...of 7 is making me real depressed...i'm so afraid, and have always been so afraid of her growing up. I don't want to lose that young innocence and the way she loves her mommy so much...she's always hugging me and telling me how much she loves mommy...i have an inkling when she starts turning pubescent, that will kind of end...i know she's only seven and there's a way yet, but its just another year added on...i already miss her when she was 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6...life sucks sometimes...
and of course i still can't shake my paranoia that something bad will happen to my little girl...i still wake up in the middle of the night with terrible nightmares of having her taken away...whenever i hear of a little girl being abducted, i get a terrible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach-and not one that any other mom would regularly get (I've checked around), but a worse feeling, a fear, almost a knowing...i get one of those feelings that you would get of being 'too late'...the best way to describe it is when you've just stepped out of the house and you've barely missed the bus as you see it go by-that feeling of being seconds too late...it sucks in a bad way...and for whatever reason, i've never ever gotten that feeling with ethan, i never ever worry about it for whatever reason the same way i worry about olivia...
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