died a few days ago...i had her just shy of 18 years, since feb 1993...i still find it amazing how shortly after she was born, they gave her no more than five years to live because of her heart murmur...so every year past then was a gift...until she started getting old the last two years...then she stopped grooming herself and licking her paws to keep my floors clear of litter...she drooled alot too, plus she would barf all the time and it wasn't like you could see it-it was the clear pure slobber kind so you'd have to open all the lights every morning before walking around to make sure you didn't step in it...what a blessing she is as brian would always say...we're so lucky to have her..
...so i'm obviously very tender and raw lately, although i'm not as bad as i'd thought i'd be, but its funny how a ball of fur can really tug at your heart strings...thinking of her and all the years we went through together brings me back to all the stages of my life...its a time of reflection...
the vet asked me if i wanted to watch him put peaches down and if i wanted to take home the ashes (?) ... i'm not that fanatical...
rest in peace peachy
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
...the white tiger in the room...
...nothing irritates me more than skeptics who have such big opinions on areas that they have done NO research on...
i have read over a thousand accounts of near death experiences... yes, over a thousand in the last 15 years so i have a pretty good idea of what's involved...
for those doctors out there and everyone else (oh ye of little faith) who defensively and quickly dismiss any possibility of such occurances, i suggest looking at the evidence first before making such concrete decisions...i would never pretend to know everything about politics for example because i don't...i say i don't and i really don't because it just doesn't interest me (all politicians are liars)...oops...an uneducated opinion...
there was a doctor on some near death experience program the other day on discovery or something who was 'sitting on his big intellectual high chair' and giving us all idiots the explanation, (the real) explanation of near death experiences..
"you see, when the brain goes without oxygen for some time, we begin to perceive sparks of light due to some electrical stuff through the brain's neurons, and then this also takes the shape of a tunnel that so many people report seeing"...so while it may seem that these patients are leaving their bodies, no matter how real it seems to these patients, its nothing more than a physical (yet again) explanation...
...here's why the 'physical' explanation doesn't hold up:
it doesn't explain how during these moments of death, or near death, or surgery, these patients who report leaving their bodies are able to recount every single word, action or tool that was being used on them during the time they were out of their bodies...
it doesn't explain how during these moments of death, these patients were able to come back and discuss procedures and conversations that were going on in other rooms, other levels in the hospital (with remarking accuracy by the way)
and finally, it doesn't explain how these patients, while having their nde, and upon their 'return' have reported seeing friends from their past whom they lost communication with and didn't know they were dead...after some research, they had come to learn that they were in fact dead and did 'meet' with them on the other side...
...geez, the brain is a remarkable thing when it lacks oxygen!
also, i'd like to add this scenario:
if you were in the waiting room of a hospital with say 7 other people...one at a time, each patient that was called in walked into the room, shut their door behind them and quickly ran back out yelling that there was a big white tiger in the room! They gave details too-white with black stripes, a short tail, and about 3 feet high and 5 feet long...one ear also looked to be wounded with blood on it...
...so by the time its your turn to walk into the room, all 7 people who walked in the door before you, all came running out saying the same thing "there's a white tiger in that room!", all with the same detail...
...before going into that room, would you expect to go in and see a white tiger in the room with a wounded ear, and about 3 feet tall? yes, you would...why? because 7 other people testified to the exact same thing, one at a time, without knowing each other, and probably hold different income levels, religions and are of different races...
so why, with so many people around the world who all come back and state the exact same things, do we not believe them?
oh ye of little faith...
i have read over a thousand accounts of near death experiences... yes, over a thousand in the last 15 years so i have a pretty good idea of what's involved...
for those doctors out there and everyone else (oh ye of little faith) who defensively and quickly dismiss any possibility of such occurances, i suggest looking at the evidence first before making such concrete decisions...i would never pretend to know everything about politics for example because i don't...i say i don't and i really don't because it just doesn't interest me (all politicians are liars)...oops...an uneducated opinion...
there was a doctor on some near death experience program the other day on discovery or something who was 'sitting on his big intellectual high chair' and giving us all idiots the explanation, (the real) explanation of near death experiences..
"you see, when the brain goes without oxygen for some time, we begin to perceive sparks of light due to some electrical stuff through the brain's neurons, and then this also takes the shape of a tunnel that so many people report seeing"...so while it may seem that these patients are leaving their bodies, no matter how real it seems to these patients, its nothing more than a physical (yet again) explanation...
...here's why the 'physical' explanation doesn't hold up:
it doesn't explain how during these moments of death, or near death, or surgery, these patients who report leaving their bodies are able to recount every single word, action or tool that was being used on them during the time they were out of their bodies...
it doesn't explain how during these moments of death, these patients were able to come back and discuss procedures and conversations that were going on in other rooms, other levels in the hospital (with remarking accuracy by the way)
and finally, it doesn't explain how these patients, while having their nde, and upon their 'return' have reported seeing friends from their past whom they lost communication with and didn't know they were dead...after some research, they had come to learn that they were in fact dead and did 'meet' with them on the other side...
...geez, the brain is a remarkable thing when it lacks oxygen!
also, i'd like to add this scenario:
if you were in the waiting room of a hospital with say 7 other people...one at a time, each patient that was called in walked into the room, shut their door behind them and quickly ran back out yelling that there was a big white tiger in the room! They gave details too-white with black stripes, a short tail, and about 3 feet high and 5 feet long...one ear also looked to be wounded with blood on it...
...so by the time its your turn to walk into the room, all 7 people who walked in the door before you, all came running out saying the same thing "there's a white tiger in that room!", all with the same detail...
...before going into that room, would you expect to go in and see a white tiger in the room with a wounded ear, and about 3 feet tall? yes, you would...why? because 7 other people testified to the exact same thing, one at a time, without knowing each other, and probably hold different income levels, religions and are of different races...
so why, with so many people around the world who all come back and state the exact same things, do we not believe them?
oh ye of little faith...
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
vegas!
wowzers...what a great time! i always love vegas...and brian's starting to like it more and more too...we both underwent a sort of bummed-out-vacation-withdrawal-back-to-work period after getting home...its the place to be, and its also becoming more and more of a celebrity hang out too...there's alot more public partying that goes on compared to 7 years ago...i think we're going again this summer to celebrate another milestone, but never again at bally's...
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
no coincidences
in all my years of reading and researching, including the course i'm taking now, lies the concept of coincidences which states that there are no coincidences in life...people and places and events that we encounter every day and every minute of our lives are all in order...that person that you walked by in the grocery store is that person you were MEANT to walk by that day, that minute, for some higher order...in other words, there are bigger force at work...we're not supposed to find out what this order is until we've passed (that's how its supposed to be)...
we've heard accounts from those who have crossed over that everything they 'saw' was all of a sudden made so clear-every 'bad' or 'unfair' thing that ever happened to them during their life on earth contributed to a larger picture of perfection and order...its all a chain of events that together create an utterly perfect order...
...concepts like these puzzle me because this would imply the future is already set, right? yet, we know there's free will to some extent, we have so many different choices...that being said, does that mean that every move we make instead of another would also contribute perfectly to this large puzzle? and if so, how can two different actions have exactly the same purpose?
*sigh*...so many unanswered questions...
we've heard accounts from those who have crossed over that everything they 'saw' was all of a sudden made so clear-every 'bad' or 'unfair' thing that ever happened to them during their life on earth contributed to a larger picture of perfection and order...its all a chain of events that together create an utterly perfect order...
...concepts like these puzzle me because this would imply the future is already set, right? yet, we know there's free will to some extent, we have so many different choices...that being said, does that mean that every move we make instead of another would also contribute perfectly to this large puzzle? and if so, how can two different actions have exactly the same purpose?
*sigh*...so many unanswered questions...
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
...turning 40 and oh my god...
so the day has come...the day i thought would never come...i'm F-O-R-T-Y-...i didn't do much, brian's parents decided to take me out to dinner and towards the end of dinner (at the keg upstairs, so it was a little smallish), had a panic attack and i had to leave the room so i could get 'air' as i felt like my chest was closing in and i couldn't breathe...ahhhhhhhh panic attacks...gotta love em...anxiety, oh so fun...
when does the mid life crap start?
when does the mid life crap start?
Saturday, July 10, 2010
sociopaths...
so i had to attend a funeral in the sault recently, not an old person, not someone who had been sick for awhile, but a 15 year old boy who committed suicide...
...the boy's mom works(ed?) with my mom and when we attended the service, his parents were up at podium speaking about their son...
...let me just say that its one thing hearing about a young child who dies and feeling the empathy and the initial sadness etc..., but an entirely different thing when you're actually attending the service with all the visuals around you and seeing and hearing all the sadness from loved ones...
i had often wondered all up to that point how can a sociopath be a sociopath? in other words, how can someone NOT feel for other people??? how could you NOT if you were human? they say sociopathic tendencies begin and develop in childhood and can develop because of one extreme parenting to the other: over-loving or under-loving...usually the latter makes up most cases...
casey anthony murdered her two year old girl and went partying that night, pictures of her dancing, drinking and laughing...like wtf?? how is that seriously possible? i mean even an animal would probably take that first day and be a little somber if they lost a baby? and so this wracked and wracked my brain for the longest time...they can develop friendships and have relationships, so don't they have to feel something for that?
...while listening to the mother speak about her 'baby' who just took his life, and looking at the overblown portraits of him behind her, it took, of course, everything in me to not cry...and of course, there wasn't a dry eye in the room...but for some reason, i just didn't want to cry, i felt uncomfortable, probably because if i started, i would have never been able to stop and would have started blubbering...
...so i fixated my mind on trying to be a sociopath..."think of the body in that casket as an object...lets say a clothespin...and so what if a clothespin is in that casket? its just a thing...so there's no reason to be sad over an object, right?"
actually, it was right...the more i focused, the more i convinced myself it was a clothespin and the urge to cry went away...(one known fact about sociopaths is that they look at humans around them-doesn't matter who they are-as actual objects or things, and literally nothing else)
and so this was working now...
...then of course, my human feelings came back and my eyes started to water as i heard his mom say she will now learn how to spend the rest of her life without her baby...
...so then to keep my mind pre-occupied, i started to deeply analyse what was it exactly that was making me cry, and everyone else cry? i mean, on the surface, its because we're not animals, right? we're loving human beings...but how does this really work?
i didn't personally know these people, and yet i cry...and of course, after thinking about it, i cry because i'm empathising with this mom...when i look at pictures of the deceased, my mind is putting my son's face there...when i watch the desperate mom, my mind puts me up there and i cry, kind of, for myself in a sense...i know if that were me up there, i would be completely shattered...
...so that means i'm in touch with my emotions then, right? yes, i have to be in touch with my emotions and i have to care about myself enough and love myself to imagine it my situation instead of this other mom's and therefore feel tremendous grief and the result is i cry...
...but sociopaths don't like themselves do they?
so there you go...because the sociopath, somewhere deep in the darknesses of their sub-conscious minds, despise themselves so much, they are unable to love themselves, and without love for themselves, they don't feel sadness for themselves, and if they don't feel sadness for themselves, why would they need or want to cry for themselves? if they can't cry for themselves, they don't know how to cry for others since feeling for others means feeling for yourself...
oooooooooohhhhhhhhh...i think now i can understand how and why the sociopath operates...i know maybe it was obvious to some already, and i guess i kind of knew on some level, but actually putting it to the test in a real situation put it into much better perspective for me...
so when they say how can someone love you if you can't love yourself? well, the direct reverse is true too...especially with sociopaths...
...the boy's mom works(ed?) with my mom and when we attended the service, his parents were up at podium speaking about their son...
...let me just say that its one thing hearing about a young child who dies and feeling the empathy and the initial sadness etc..., but an entirely different thing when you're actually attending the service with all the visuals around you and seeing and hearing all the sadness from loved ones...
i had often wondered all up to that point how can a sociopath be a sociopath? in other words, how can someone NOT feel for other people??? how could you NOT if you were human? they say sociopathic tendencies begin and develop in childhood and can develop because of one extreme parenting to the other: over-loving or under-loving...usually the latter makes up most cases...
casey anthony murdered her two year old girl and went partying that night, pictures of her dancing, drinking and laughing...like wtf?? how is that seriously possible? i mean even an animal would probably take that first day and be a little somber if they lost a baby? and so this wracked and wracked my brain for the longest time...they can develop friendships and have relationships, so don't they have to feel something for that?
...while listening to the mother speak about her 'baby' who just took his life, and looking at the overblown portraits of him behind her, it took, of course, everything in me to not cry...and of course, there wasn't a dry eye in the room...but for some reason, i just didn't want to cry, i felt uncomfortable, probably because if i started, i would have never been able to stop and would have started blubbering...
...so i fixated my mind on trying to be a sociopath..."think of the body in that casket as an object...lets say a clothespin...and so what if a clothespin is in that casket? its just a thing...so there's no reason to be sad over an object, right?"
actually, it was right...the more i focused, the more i convinced myself it was a clothespin and the urge to cry went away...(one known fact about sociopaths is that they look at humans around them-doesn't matter who they are-as actual objects or things, and literally nothing else)
and so this was working now...
...then of course, my human feelings came back and my eyes started to water as i heard his mom say she will now learn how to spend the rest of her life without her baby...
...so then to keep my mind pre-occupied, i started to deeply analyse what was it exactly that was making me cry, and everyone else cry? i mean, on the surface, its because we're not animals, right? we're loving human beings...but how does this really work?
i didn't personally know these people, and yet i cry...and of course, after thinking about it, i cry because i'm empathising with this mom...when i look at pictures of the deceased, my mind is putting my son's face there...when i watch the desperate mom, my mind puts me up there and i cry, kind of, for myself in a sense...i know if that were me up there, i would be completely shattered...
...so that means i'm in touch with my emotions then, right? yes, i have to be in touch with my emotions and i have to care about myself enough and love myself to imagine it my situation instead of this other mom's and therefore feel tremendous grief and the result is i cry...
...but sociopaths don't like themselves do they?
so there you go...because the sociopath, somewhere deep in the darknesses of their sub-conscious minds, despise themselves so much, they are unable to love themselves, and without love for themselves, they don't feel sadness for themselves, and if they don't feel sadness for themselves, why would they need or want to cry for themselves? if they can't cry for themselves, they don't know how to cry for others since feeling for others means feeling for yourself...
oooooooooohhhhhhhhh...i think now i can understand how and why the sociopath operates...i know maybe it was obvious to some already, and i guess i kind of knew on some level, but actually putting it to the test in a real situation put it into much better perspective for me...
so when they say how can someone love you if you can't love yourself? well, the direct reverse is true too...especially with sociopaths...
Monday, July 5, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
father's day
so today the family decided to go golfing for fathers day and it turned out to be something none of us expected...brian got hit on the side of his right temple just above his eye by a flying golf ball...very scary when you stop to think that had he moved an inch up, down, left or right, he could have been blinded as he was turning his head as he got hit...
...of course, no one knew who hit him because as soon as he got hit and fell, his mom ran to help him and drive him off to the hospital...i was waiting inside the restaurant so i didn't see anything which is kind of good i suspect?
...it was extremely scary for me though when all the commotion outside the restaurant started and all the family members started to talk about 'ambulance', 'hospital', 'we don't know what happened' etc..etc...brian's sister had olivia somewhere shopping i think and ethan had been on the golf field, so my initial thought was my kids...my body froze on the chair and i couldn't get up to run and find out what happened...i had to mentally prepare myself that something could have happened to one of my kids...worst feeling in the world and my worst fear...
...i knew i had to go find out what happened since i could never prepare myself, and right before going out, brian's stepdad came in and told me he got hit in the head with a golfball...'is he conscious' i asked? 'yes', he said...
okay, thank goodness...firstly, if he's conscious, its a good sign (not 100% clear of course) and secondly, my kids are fine...
i really hate to admit this, and i don't know if it makes me a bad person or not, but when andy told me it was brian that got hurt and needed the ambulance, i felt relief it wasn't one of my kids...that's kind of wierd, isn't it? i guess only another parent can answer that and i would certainly hope brian would react in exactly the same way if the situation were reversed...
...of course, no one knew who hit him because as soon as he got hit and fell, his mom ran to help him and drive him off to the hospital...i was waiting inside the restaurant so i didn't see anything which is kind of good i suspect?
...it was extremely scary for me though when all the commotion outside the restaurant started and all the family members started to talk about 'ambulance', 'hospital', 'we don't know what happened' etc..etc...brian's sister had olivia somewhere shopping i think and ethan had been on the golf field, so my initial thought was my kids...my body froze on the chair and i couldn't get up to run and find out what happened...i had to mentally prepare myself that something could have happened to one of my kids...worst feeling in the world and my worst fear...
...i knew i had to go find out what happened since i could never prepare myself, and right before going out, brian's stepdad came in and told me he got hit in the head with a golfball...'is he conscious' i asked? 'yes', he said...
okay, thank goodness...firstly, if he's conscious, its a good sign (not 100% clear of course) and secondly, my kids are fine...
i really hate to admit this, and i don't know if it makes me a bad person or not, but when andy told me it was brian that got hurt and needed the ambulance, i felt relief it wasn't one of my kids...that's kind of wierd, isn't it? i guess only another parent can answer that and i would certainly hope brian would react in exactly the same way if the situation were reversed...
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
olivia's birthday
...of 7 is making me real depressed...i'm so afraid, and have always been so afraid of her growing up. I don't want to lose that young innocence and the way she loves her mommy so much...she's always hugging me and telling me how much she loves mommy...i have an inkling when she starts turning pubescent, that will kind of end...i know she's only seven and there's a way yet, but its just another year added on...i already miss her when she was 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6...life sucks sometimes...
and of course i still can't shake my paranoia that something bad will happen to my little girl...i still wake up in the middle of the night with terrible nightmares of having her taken away...whenever i hear of a little girl being abducted, i get a terrible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach-and not one that any other mom would regularly get (I've checked around), but a worse feeling, a fear, almost a knowing...i get one of those feelings that you would get of being 'too late'...the best way to describe it is when you've just stepped out of the house and you've barely missed the bus as you see it go by-that feeling of being seconds too late...it sucks in a bad way...and for whatever reason, i've never ever gotten that feeling with ethan, i never ever worry about it for whatever reason the same way i worry about olivia...
and of course i still can't shake my paranoia that something bad will happen to my little girl...i still wake up in the middle of the night with terrible nightmares of having her taken away...whenever i hear of a little girl being abducted, i get a terrible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach-and not one that any other mom would regularly get (I've checked around), but a worse feeling, a fear, almost a knowing...i get one of those feelings that you would get of being 'too late'...the best way to describe it is when you've just stepped out of the house and you've barely missed the bus as you see it go by-that feeling of being seconds too late...it sucks in a bad way...and for whatever reason, i've never ever gotten that feeling with ethan, i never ever worry about it for whatever reason the same way i worry about olivia...
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
today....
i'm starting booty camp!! eeeek! i'm a little scared shitless since for one...booty camp...helllooooo! and two, today is that day a few days before mother nature comes where i wake up feeling like a brick all day...reeeeeeeeally tired, not to mention i have a new cold (symptoms masked by echinecea-sp?), but it doesn't stop the tiredness...grrreeeeeeeat...had to be all today...anyhoo, whatever, i still can't remember why the hell i signed up for this in the first place....we'll see how it goes...
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
another long stretch
...between posts...i didn't realize its been this long, but nothing exciting to write i guess...
...went for my endoscopy this morning, and so not pleasant to say the least...there's something very unnerving about someone putting a long narrow tube down your throat to poke and prod in your stomach...not to mention the nasty throat numbing spray they use that makes it feel like your throat is closing in and you can't breathe...anyhoo...there was no pain per se, but i could feel the tube going in and out and moving around in my stomach, and apparantly, they pump in lots of air to be able to move around more freely and boy, when that air needs to come out, it needs to come out!! whooooweee!!
my program is moving along quite nicely, a little slow lately, but almost done two courses and finding it extremely enlightening...its funny, i'm finding out more and more that the more i know, the less i really know if that makes any sense...i just love anything to do with any and everything past our life on earth-can't get enough of it
...just returned from florida and had a kick ass time-used up all of the six days for parks from morning till night, so it took me quite a few days to recoup...ethan on the other hand is getting up every morning and each day, the number goes down one from 365 to 364 to 363 days left for our next trip to florida...
bought another property in picton-a seven unit building three hours away and we'll be using a property management company to manage it, brings in very good money, so a good score again
off to the sault this weekend for easter-lots of food and chocolate i imagine, coupled with my pigging out on dessert buffets in florida, my boot camp in april is coming just in time...now why the heck did i sign up for that again?? craziness...
...went for my endoscopy this morning, and so not pleasant to say the least...there's something very unnerving about someone putting a long narrow tube down your throat to poke and prod in your stomach...not to mention the nasty throat numbing spray they use that makes it feel like your throat is closing in and you can't breathe...anyhoo...there was no pain per se, but i could feel the tube going in and out and moving around in my stomach, and apparantly, they pump in lots of air to be able to move around more freely and boy, when that air needs to come out, it needs to come out!! whooooweee!!
my program is moving along quite nicely, a little slow lately, but almost done two courses and finding it extremely enlightening...its funny, i'm finding out more and more that the more i know, the less i really know if that makes any sense...i just love anything to do with any and everything past our life on earth-can't get enough of it
...just returned from florida and had a kick ass time-used up all of the six days for parks from morning till night, so it took me quite a few days to recoup...ethan on the other hand is getting up every morning and each day, the number goes down one from 365 to 364 to 363 days left for our next trip to florida...
bought another property in picton-a seven unit building three hours away and we'll be using a property management company to manage it, brings in very good money, so a good score again
off to the sault this weekend for easter-lots of food and chocolate i imagine, coupled with my pigging out on dessert buffets in florida, my boot camp in april is coming just in time...now why the heck did i sign up for that again?? craziness...
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
have decided...
....that this weight is going to come off once and for all (yea right :) )
...i love dr b...there's no other place where you can lose so much weight so fast, 4llbs a week every week, and for all the skeptics about weight loss that's too fast, muscle loss, etc..etc...read up on the diet first...totally medically supervised and all that good stuff, but MY GOD...the first week is B-R-U-T-A-L...my stomach is constantly growling-whether i've just eaten or not-afterall 800-900 calories a day isn't much, but i guess my big fat stomach is busy shrinking...the first week is hard, but gets better after that from memory of the first time i went...the reason i'm choosing to lose lots more than just what i'm 'comfortable' with is because i'd like to leave myself a big buffer-not the usual 5llbs since that always come on at christmas and then i'm too uncomfortable which is why dr b is always on my radar in january...
...i love dr b...there's no other place where you can lose so much weight so fast, 4llbs a week every week, and for all the skeptics about weight loss that's too fast, muscle loss, etc..etc...read up on the diet first...totally medically supervised and all that good stuff, but MY GOD...the first week is B-R-U-T-A-L...my stomach is constantly growling-whether i've just eaten or not-afterall 800-900 calories a day isn't much, but i guess my big fat stomach is busy shrinking...the first week is hard, but gets better after that from memory of the first time i went...the reason i'm choosing to lose lots more than just what i'm 'comfortable' with is because i'd like to leave myself a big buffer-not the usual 5llbs since that always come on at christmas and then i'm too uncomfortable which is why dr b is always on my radar in january...
Thursday, January 14, 2010
boy its been awhile my little blog! i have since finished my first course in my program, am waiting for my final exam marks, but got a 92 on my first test :) am starting my second subject on angels and the lost land of atlantis....very interesting stuff....
am hoping to make it to florida again this year, but am determined to take off weight-enough where i'm down to fitting in those doctor's charts-nothing worse than going to the beach with extra blubber on you...also looking into getting some work done on my face-will start small first and continue to work upwards in procedure until i'm satisfied as those nasty little wrinkles are really starting to show...and i'm not a
went for my first volunteer session sitting with a dying patient...she was 92 but was pretty much comatose so my two hours there didn't feel like i made a difference at all, although they do say that patients can still hear and feel you when you're there and they're comatose...who knows...i guess the real difference i made was for her daughter who couldn't be there with her...
later...
am hoping to make it to florida again this year, but am determined to take off weight-enough where i'm down to fitting in those doctor's charts-nothing worse than going to the beach with extra blubber on you...also looking into getting some work done on my face-will start small first and continue to work upwards in procedure until i'm satisfied as those nasty little wrinkles are really starting to show...and i'm not a
grow old gracefully kinda gal
went for my first volunteer session sitting with a dying patient...she was 92 but was pretty much comatose so my two hours there didn't feel like i made a difference at all, although they do say that patients can still hear and feel you when you're there and they're comatose...who knows...i guess the real difference i made was for her daughter who couldn't be there with her...
later...
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